Saturday, 30 June 2007

I moved everything

My myspace blog went completely to crap and I've had error messages for days and days, so I moved all the old entries over to here. I think it looks prettier and is easier to read and mess about with!

Today everybody is moving in and out of my house and I wasn't really very impressed with the amount of cleaning and clearing of crap I had to do.

I went to a talk this morning about academic publishing. It was actually really interesting: basically, how can it work as a commercial enterprise work when there's 1) way more supply than demand 2) people don't want to pay to have their work published, yet there's a move towards free access to research 3) publication is necessary for RAE and for career advancement 4) digital publication can be way cheaper, but it has all sorts of access and reading issues attached to it. I have lots of thoughts about all this and they're not very coherent yet. It was really interesting given what I heard the other week at the conference that in Germany you have to publish your thesis as a monograph before you're even entitled to call yourself doctor! Also, I got a free lunch today.

Yesterday, I went to my refresher training to go back to my old campaign at work (it was incredibly boring and pointless). I think my new housemate is starting work on Monday too so that should be really fun! I'm working five days next week so I'm not going to get any thesis work done. But I should be able to pay my gas bill soon.

I also had a crazy celebrity dream: I was escaping from some kind of nuclear apocalypse in a convertible, which was driven by someone who turned out to be Salman Rushdie!

This is my jaywalker so far: it's so bright!

Random stuff

Posted Date: Monday, June 25, 2007 - 6:59 PM
I was looking at photos of Glastonbury on the NME (incidentally, Iggy Pop's body gives me way more fear than Beth Ditto's) and for one brief, fleeting moment I thought, "Actually, that might be pretty cool."  But no, then I read Charlie Brooker in the Guardian and realised I am not cut out for it at all: last time I went camping I got gastroenteritis and me and Matt spent all night alternately worried we hadn't put all the tent pegs in and laughing at our neighbours who almost set their tent on fire.

Yesterday I saw a baby duck get washed down the river because he ventured too far from the bank.  Silly duck.

I'm excited because I'm going to watch A Cock and Bull Story
today.

McSweeney's distributer is going bankrupt, and they're having a massive sale of all kinds of stuff to attempt to keep going.  I would give them money if I had any, whatsoever, because I love them lots.  And on ebay they're selling David Foster Wallace and Art Spiegelman signed books and artwork.  I was reading an article where they described it as "postmodern over-educated fun," and that is a pretty fair summary.

I am LOVING not working this week :D

Posted Date: Wednesday, June 13, 2007 - 2:06 AM
Even though I am super poor (got my bank statement from last month, and I was going through it, and suddenly, "Hold on boys, what does OD mean?  Oh."  Yes, I have gone into my overdraft for the first time ever ever!  But it was only a cashflow issue, because my fee payment cleared quicker than I expected (stupid Bank Holidays meant I had to pay early) and my pay-cheque didn't, but I still feel a bit irresponsible.)

1) I've started my next chapter and it's going disturbingly well.  I actually have a cool argument for this one: I'm experimenting with sub-headings and it's really helping me organise my thoughts (why didn't I do this six chapters ago?).  The other benefit is you can really up your ridiculous-puns-to-ordinary-text ratio in one manouevre.  Everyone's a winner.
2) Pat sent me a really nice, encouraging message about my paper; I've done a rewrite too so it's very extremely short and I won't be rushed.
3) I've stolen Michel Thomas learn French off the internet and I'm practising my French.  It's fun so far, only the woman learning on the tape is SO STUPID and MT has to keep telling her off.  He clearly favours the other student who, coincidentally, is not an utter fool.  So far the longest sentence I can say is, "It is not very different like that but it is important for me, thankyou."
4) I've signed up for
wists.com.  Everyone on craftster has it and it's pretty useful, especially for knitting patterns, where the names of patterns bear no relation whatsoever to the appearance.  I did get a bit of a shock, though, when I was clicking through the pages people had tagged with knitting and saw that someone had wisted one of my finished objects from craftster!

In conclusion, I like not working but don't really want it to continue beyond next week.

I expected this to be a cute cat story.

Posted Date: Monday, June 11, 2007 - 5:33 AM
Seriously BBC, I swear I'm going to have nightmares about this*.  This, and the deformed ducks with their heads on upside-down on Trevor McDonald Tonight.  I'm going to have to go to kittenwars to sort myself out.

*Also, there's so many creepy things about that cat apart from the obvious: the horrible nearly-kitler face markings, the EYES which I'm really hoping were photoshopped, the fact that they waited until the beast was ten years old before investigating any records.  My hypothesis is that he's not a mutant cardi-cat, oh no, he's the product of some hideous experiment, springing full-grown from the operating table.  But the funniest part is from his owner:
"He is a bit temperamental - if you know him you are okay but Des can be quite quick with his paws and leave a nasty scratch because he has so many claws."

Upon first discovering the hole in my Positive Pants...

Posted Date: Sunday, June 10, 2007 - 2:31 AM


Can things get any worse?  My positive pants have a hole in!

Matt's going to be disappointed

Posted Date: Tuesday, June 05, 2007 - 9:06 PM
because this is mostly craftstering, whinging and a discussion of why I have such a big crush on David Foster Wallace.

1) Craftstering:



I made socks!  I have happy feet.  They're made out of wool I dyed myself, and they're jazzy autumnal colours.  I did a lace pattern on them from
here, but I think mine need blocking to show the pattern really well (I have no idea how you go about blocking a sock).



I also finished my library arm-warmers that I made on holiday, also using the green wool I dyed myself.  I learnt new kinds of cast on and bind off for these which are pretty nifty because they mean the ribbing continues over the edge, rather than stopping and having a row of stitches (it's not really that noticeable and it is also kind of a pain to do).  The pattern was really good, though and very easy to follow.  Artistic, book-themed photo:



2) Whinging:

My new campaign at work is really hard; it's just the most frustrating thing when you're trying really really hard at something and you're still shit, and you can't even understand what you're doing wrong.

And I'm also hating this stupid conference paper.  Through a complicated series of events which were not even my fault I completely embarrassed myself yesterday by doing a practice run of my paper yesterday at PGDG, when it had actually already been arranged that we were going to do something else (but I hadn't got the email).  So then it looked like I really wanted to show off my crappy paper at every opportunity.  And it is crappy.  And I was really embarrassed.

3) My crush on David Foster Wallace.

When I can't think how to write something I read a couple of pages of his essays, either from Consider the Lobster or A Supposedly Fun Thing... and I really wish I could write like him because he does say intelligent and witty things, but he also seems like he really really enjoys just messing about with words.  I laughed a lot reading this essay about grammar, even though I ultimately didn't agree with him.


What would Beth Ditto do?

Posted Date: Friday, May 25, 2007 - 1:10 AM
I just read Beth Ditto's style tips in the Guardian.  See all those key features of her wardrobe?  I have worn four out of five of those things every day this week (no yellow tights though).  Elastic belts are the bees knees!

what I did on my holidays...

Posted Date: Saturday, May 19, 2007 - 2:06 AM
I ate the following fish:
what might have been a mackerel
2 dorada
quite a lot of sardines
a piece of cod
a whitebait
an anchovy from l'Escala
a bit of a repulsive tiny squid thing
some unidentified fish

Hopefully these fish came into the harbour in St Feliu, or at least the Mediterranean:

  

See those mountains behind me?  That's where Matt's dad's house is.

I read 3 books:
The Crimson Petal and the White (Michael Faber)
So Many Ways to Begin (Jon McGregor)
Labyrinth (Kate Mosse)

All of these were a bit disappointing: the Michael Faber was great and absorbing and then made you feel gutted for getting so involved in it; I'm not really sure if I like Jon McGregor because his books don't seem very substantial (I really liked the setting in Coventry being rebuilt and the older characters, but the main character's whole life was really predictably hollow and slight); Labyrinth was basically The Mists of Avalon and the Da Vinci Code melded together using a rather unsubtle "mystery".  I would've rather read a history book by someone who could write in a less cliche-ridden way because the history is really interesting: it pained me more than Dan Brown because Kate Mosse actually ought to be able to write.

Here's a frog we rescued no less than three times from the swimming pool.  He looks full of a sense of the futility of existence and probably pool-cleaner too.





I did lots of swimming and tennis and did serving practice and Oscar Wegner tennis school so I can play like Roger Federer.  This is a picture of the tennis court from in front of Matt's dad's house:



Hours spent in the snazzy new St Feliu bus station waiting for buses that didn't come: 2.

We make missing buses look cool:



Days in Barcelona: 2
Percentage of that time spent peeing it down: 60%
We went to el Camp Nou, though (number of bocadillos eaten: 4) and saw Barca draw.








Here's a little Catalan donkey who was eating his dinner by the road into town...



This is Matt's boat-owning posture (apparently)




and this is a corsair boat coming to plunder St Feliu



Holy giant dandelions batman!  In that field behind me there's some really cool goats and kids and the big ones have bells round their necks.



Because me and Matty are snappy dressers (my dress has pinata horses on it.  Matt's?  Wait and see...)






We had a nice holiday.

My beautiful Oxfam!

Posted Date: Sunday, May 06, 2007 - 9:15 PM
I went up the Bailey today to check out what had happened to the lovely shop that Oxfam has just vacated.  I was under the foolish misconception that Oxfam would be keeping the old shop (balcony! brass! stained glass!) for clothes and just having the new shop for books and music.  Oh how wrong I was: it is now a Jack Wills.  I can't actually think of a worse shop for it to have been converted into, unless it was maybe chemical weapons r us or something. The Bailey is getting filled with evil snobby shops: there's the imported useless chintzy crap shop (with the psychotic owner who apparently won't let you wear thongs to work and feels it's a necessity to stress this in the interview), the shop of snobby bitches who won't serve you unless you're buying a ballgown shop (and also won't serve transgendered people), and the shop that sells china shoes.

I also went to the market to buy some string:
market guy: Areet there petal?
me: yeah...just having a look.
market guy: Do you need some string then?
me: yes (I wasn't really sure what to say here because I wanted to smell them before I knitted a bag out of them)
market guy: Well then, this is your ordinary string, and this is...some other string and this...is other string.

I bet you don't get service like that in Jack Wills.

My conference paper got accepted!

Posted Date: Saturday, May 05, 2007 - 4:03 AM
I completely forgot to tell anyone that my paper got accepted for a conference at Warwick next month.  This is a link to the programme for the day (which is also, unhelpfully, the day of Niko and Jenny's wedding).  You have to scroll down for my misspelled name but it's there: hopefully, if it's right before lunch it will be fresh in people's minds and they'll all want to talk to me so I won't have to have an embarrassing conferency-tum-te-tum-smalltalk lunch.  Calloo callay!

craftstering

Posted Date: Friday, May 04, 2007 - 9:57 PM
craftster.org is down and it's driving me mental because I can't post my craftstering!

This is my razor cami that is knitted from Debbie Bliss Cathay (cotton/silk mix).  I had precisely two inches left when I finished and had to do a horrible non-stretchy bind-off on the back because I didn't have enough wool left for my favourite Elizabeth Zimmerman one :(  I am going to blind people in Spain by wearing it with my bright orange cardiagan - complement-o-rama!





In this second one you can see the way the ribbing flows really nicely into the lace at the bottom.  I was going to wear a vest underneath, but I actually think it's not too slaggy with just a bra, especially if I'm on holiday.  Also, luckily for my extreme paleness, they had bogof on sun cream in Boots this week, so I have factor 40 AND factor 50: I wonder if I'll come back from holiday paler than I went?

This is my wrap I made for Bethan's wedding (I didn't wear it on account of it being superhot, and I can't say any more about the wedding til Pippa sends me photos and I can do a proper writing) which is made from some old 100% wool, so it's also a bit itchy.  I seamed up the edges so it's a short-sleeved shrug now...this is it blocking and wet...


This is my dress I made out of a duvet cover I got from Oxfam.  It has had a number of incarnations since then, notably dyed and worn as two attractive skirts by me and Berni to Nancy's party at Hatfield last year.  The purple half (Berni's half) has now become this dress...



It's based on the shape of another dress I have, but the neckline went all to crap so I had to pleat it, and now have some boobage issues...



It's not actually as bad as it looks there, but it is quite low cut.  And it took me ages to line up all the stupid patterns.

And finally, here is a kitty that I knitted out of some of the mohair Eleanor gave me for Christmas.  I'm not really a massive fan of cuddly toys (I'm getting to be such a craftster snob: a giant NO to cross-stitch, card-making, quilting, pretty much all toys and most things involving felt.  I gave someone a Hard Stare the other day when they asked me if I scrap-booked, because that really is a bit QVC).  The kitty, however, stays.


Dear Fredric Jameson...

Posted Date: Saturday, April 21, 2007 - 9:07 AM
I was cruising back issues of Science Fiction Studies, and I came across some famous people's lists of Unjustly Neglected Science Fiction.  I couldn't help but notice that your list included three writers that I am discussing in my thesis.  How would you feel about telling the AHRC to give me some money for this?  In return, I could probably wangle you some free cavity wall insulation from the British government: deal or no deal?  Much love, Alice.

The List

Fredric Jameson ("in no special order"):
1. John Brunner: Total Eclipse
2. Tom Disch: Wings of Song*
3. Philip K. Dick: We Can Build You
4. Ernest Callenbach: Ecotopia
5. Wyndham Lewis: The Human Age**
6. Alasdair Gray: Lanark***
7. Vonda MacIntyre: The Exile Waiting
8. Keith Roberts: Pavane
9. Strugatsky Brothers: Roadside Picnic
10. Stanislaw Lem: Eden

*I'm actually writing on The Businessman, which is a top book: it has the dyslexic ghost of John Berryman (confessional poets having been trapped on earth, justifiably), a bathroom painted with murals of Oscar Wilde's Salome, a possessed Scotty dog, and my new hero Adah Menken in it.  Incidentally, Disch also wrote The Brave Little Toaster plus the screenplay for the film.  Fact.
**Or, this is going in once I've actually managed to read it.  I'm starting to think it really is unreadable, and there aren't many books that fall into that category. And the worst part is that it's a tetralogy.  Not even Dante thought he needed four books to take in the whole of the afterlife.  I'm just saying.
***Obviously.

Bryan Talbot is in Waterstones in Durham tomorrow...

Posted Date: Friday, April 20, 2007 - 6:53 PM


ps this is the guy who wrote One Bad Rat

I can't decide who to vote for...

Posted Date: Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 4:14 PM
because I wanted to vote Liberal Democrat because of their record in the city with the swimming pool and the Gala theatre, but I've just read that the Labour pledges include extending recycling to cardboard and garden waste.  So now I can't decide, because lack of cardboard recycling has annoyed me for ages.  Maybe I should vote for Durham Taxpayers Alliance instead (they are fools, by the way: I looked at their website and particularly enjoyed the made-up vox pops in the corner, their apparently arbitrary but telling alliance with the Association of British Drivers, and the way much of their 'evidence' seems to come from the pages of the Daily Mail, corroborated by the Express).

Spring and All (including, How I am a Moron and Thought I was Getting the Sack)

Posted Date: Thursday, April 19, 2007 - 2:08 AM
I was freaking out and didn't sleep for two nights this week worrying that I was going to get let go from work.  Yes, I am a moron because, in fact, I have actually got changed to a different campaign at work where I'll get paid £8 an hour after my probation rather than £6.  I am such a pessimist.  In celebration of this good news, here are some pictures of springtime in lovely Durham...



More blossom...




The cathedral and the award-winning concrete bridge...



A billion rowing boats by Chase...



This is the cool light on the swimming pool...


My passport came today :D

Posted Date: Saturday, April 14, 2007 - 4:25 AM
It has the biometrics in it, apparently.  And for some reason it has birds all printed through it.  Is this some kind of code from the Illuminati?  I debated whether to put Dr Alice on the form since, if all goes well, for the majority of the next ten years I will be Dr Alice!  But no, I decided to be honest (and not jinx myself or lay myself open to calls to perform emergency surgery on another captive in a hostage situation.  Imagine how embarrassing that would be: "Sorry, can't really handle the tracheotomy, but give me that copy of On Grammatology and we can damn well deconstruct the illness/wellness binary.").

I am also VERY VERY itchy.  I am superexcited about going on holiday but this excitement is marred by my itchy itchy itchy face and shoulders.  I have new acne cream and it is drying my skin out something chronic.  I've been moisturising like you're supposed to but it's still pretty flakey and disgusting.  Is benzoyl peroxide meant to make you so red and inflamed the acne can't show through, hmm?

And I've been reading DFW Girl with Curious Hair and the first story, Little Expressionless Animals, makes me want to answer all statements with a question: The most confusing quiz-show concept ever.  What is Jeopardy?

My massive PoshSpice sunglasses

Posted Date: Tuesday, April 10, 2007 - 1:27 AM
So do I look like
a) Hunter S. Thompson
b) Posh Spice
c) A humanoid fly

I find them hilarious: I kept seeing my reflection today and laughing at myself.


I REALLY WANT TO GO ON HOLIDAY

Posted Date: Sunday, April 08, 2007 - 6:14 PM
NO REALLY.  I WANT TO GO AND SIT IN SPAIN AND COOK AND EAT AND SWIM AND READ DAVID FOSTER WALLACE SHORT STORIES AND CLIMB DOWN THE MOUNTAIN TO THE MARKET AND BUY A RUCKSACKFUL OF FRUIT AND WATCH BIZARRE SPANISH TELLY AND GET DRUNK ON CHEAP BOOZE AND PRETEND I'M NOT FEEDING THE CATS AND MOOCH AROUND THE HOUSE ALL DAY WITH MATT.  I AM SICK OF WORKING AND I WANT MY PASSPORT SO I CAN LEAVE ENGLAND.  RIGHT NOW.  I HAVE NOT BEEN ON A PROPER HOLIDAY FOR OVER TWO YEARS, AND I PROMISE I WON'T TAKE ANY WORK WITH ME EVEN FOR THE PLANE.  PLEASE TAKE THIS INTO CONSIDERATION MR PASSPORT OFFICE DUDE.  ta xxx

Even more amazing and hilarious documentary about AG!

Posted Date: Friday, April 06, 2007 - 3:36 AM
Ok this is possibly the best thing I've watched ever.  It has animated AG illustrations, Stuart Murdoch, AG interviewing himself and reading from the Saltire self-protrait, Jonathan Coe, AG reading my favourite of his poems, the "radioactive hogwash" review of 1982 Janine: it's just great all over.










Absolutely brilliant documentary about Alasdair Gray's murals on YouTube

Posted Date: Friday, April 06, 2007 - 3:13 AM
I enjoyed this a lot!










Things I discovered yesterday...

Posted Date: Thursday, April 05, 2007 - 8:06 AM
1. Tescos winter berry no added sugar high juice and Rakusens 99% fat-free crackers taste exactly like iced gems.
2. I need an entire floor of the library to myself for optimal productivity.
3. I can listen to Lifted or The Story is in the Soil seven times before thinking I've maybe had enough.
4. I miscounted my wordcount before, and I actually have 45,000 words in total now!  I really am halfway through my thesis now :D


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University Challenge

Posted Date: Monday, April 02, 2007 - 5:51 AM
Oh no!  Durham got knocked out by Manchester, preventing a 100% My Universities final.  UCL vs Warwick next week!  Durham were leading in the opening questions, and I came very close to shouting at the telly when they were too slow to answer the first question ("It's Orhan Pamuk!  You'd have known that if you'd been in my class last term!").

Ego

Posted Date: Friday, March 30, 2007 - 5:09 PM
Why do some people say AYgo for ego?  I have heard it twice (on the BBC) in the last week, and one of those was Jeremy Paxman.  I can understand maybe EGGo but AYgo?  What is the justification for this?

I am very excited about the Matthew Barney exhibition at the Serpentine in September.

I am in love with Married to the Sea (
married to the sea myspace
)...I really want this as the cover illustration for when my thesis gets published and sells more copies than the Da Vinci Code...

Married To The Sea
marriedtothesea.com

Library Thing

Posted Date: Saturday, March 24, 2007 - 6:38 PM
I really want to do this and dewey all my books up and record what I have.  However.  Their unpaid accounts are limited to two hundred books and they don't deserve my money.  Why would you even need their services if you only had two hundred books?  I shall continue to categorise my books my way (series, general fiction, oversize/comic/art books, anthologies, poetry, drama, biography/autobiography, reference, literary theory, history) even if it leads to all kind of confusion (eg. should George Perec's W go in autobiography, next to the David Bellos biography, or in general fiction, next to Life, a User's Manual?  Should I keep my David Lodge fiction and criticism books together?  Should Murder in the Cathedral go in poetry or drama?  This is the stuff I have to deal with on a daily basis).

Evidence that I am working (I've reached the thesis half-way zone at 40,000 words)...

Posted Date: Saturday, March 24, 2007 - 2:41 AM
This is my favourite pair of Alasdair Gray poems from Old Negatives.  They go together I think...

WANTING                                                                           AWAITING
I am new born.                                                                  He was, and educated, and became,
I want to suck sweet and sing                                              residing and remaining and intending,
and eat and laugh and run and                                            then on became in and again,
fuck and feel secure and own my own home                          and later and later again.
and receive the recognition due to a man in my position         He still is, and hopes, and intends,
and not have nobody to care for me                                     and may
and not be lonely                                                               but is certain to -
and die.                                                                            one day.

Fact: Christine Brooke-Rose worked at Bletchley Park in WWII.  See, I am working.

Only four dishes???

Posted Date: Monday, March 19, 2007 - 5:09 PM
How can people in Britain only know how to cook four things?  That's mental.  This is my list of currently rotating dinners (ie. I've cooked them at least twice in 2007 so far)...

-chickpea curry
-okra curry in which the okra are generally replaced with courgettes
-stirfry with random veg and crunchy peanut butter (yes, I am disgusting)
-soups (vegetable, carrot and coriander, brocolli, spinach, parsnip and ginger)
-puy lentil warm salad thing
-ratatouille
-risotto with random veg (courgette, butternut squash, cherry tomatoes)
-chilli con carne (sin carne)
-baked peppers with tomatoes in them and couscous
-various breads, sponge cake, chocolate fondants (YAY!), pancakes, biscuits etc etc.
-and things which I'm not sure really count as cooking like omelettes, baked sweet potato, and my most frequent dinner of a couple of different veg (often raw or masquerading as a salad because I'm lazy) and whatever soya/ veggie processed crap is on special offer in tescos.  Or falafels, which I'm addicted to. 

Probably the hardest thing I've ever cooked is quiche or when me and Matt made pasta or had to debone that monkfish (stupid bloody monkfish).  Cooking new recipes is definitely one of my favourite things to do, so I find it really hard to understand that only-cooking-four-recipes-and-one-of-them-being-sausage-and-mash-which-is-frankly-not-a-recipe-but-just-the-cooking-of-a-potato thing.  More falafels!

My new knitted jumper (well the pictures are new anyway)

Posted Date: Sunday, March 18, 2007 - 3:44 AM








I also made a hat out of some of the leftovers.  I wanted one with earflaps I could wear after I've been swimming so I don't get cold earholes (perpetually a post-swimming hazard).  It's so hard to take photos of yourself, especially when you hate looking at the camera and have a naturally vacant expression...



This is the entrelac cushion cover I've been making for approximately forever.  The colours aren't right here; it's darker than this shows...


I have regressed to being ten years old again...

I have regressed to being ten years old again...
Posted Date: Saturday, March 17, 2007 - 9:18 AM
I had the song for this in my head the other day and couldn't remember where it was from.  Can you believe the whole soundtrack was recorded by the London Philharmonic?  The animation looks rubbisher than I remembered: I recall the beginning sequence with the rainbow and the bubble as being really pretty!

And ALSO, I've found Count Duckula and Captain Planet on YouTube!

Lack of boiler and hyperbolic crochet

Posted Date: Tuesday, March 13, 2007 - 1:23 AM
We have no heating or hot water.  We have had no heating or hot water since Saturday.  We will have no heating or hot water until Wednesday.

I'm working on some really interesting stuff to do with spaces, and I was googling the writer of a book I've read, Margaret Wertheim, (she says cyberspace is the equivalent of medieval soul spaces which exist as supplements to physical space.  She also says that the modern concept of infinite space is the reason Star Trek can go on forever while the Divine Comedy only has three books) when I found links to the Institute for Figuring which she founded.  And on there they have
crochet models of hyperbolic surfaces
!  The slideshow is also really cool, not least for its descriptions of the models: I liked "Shrek-ears on a mutant piggie orchid."  Also, they're really beautiful:



Mixed bag of a crazy week...

Posted Date: Thursday, March 08, 2007 - 12:15 AM
Well the weekend was good anyway. Me and Matt went to Tate Modern and saw the Gilbert and George stuff, went to Borough Market, saw the Golden Hind by accident, did too much boxercise with Deanne Berry and destroyed my legs, saw Beth Ditto on Oxford Street in H&M, ate a delicious bass, and bought a tank top.

Then, I got back home on Tuesday night and glanced out of my bedroom window to find the shed roof had come off. It's corrugated metal, so pretty solid, but I just assumed it was the wind. Texted my landlord. Fast forward to Wednesday night, when Sarah comes in and I ask her to check on her stuff in the shed because I haven't been able to unlock the door. Only to find it wasn't the wind and someone had broken into our shed and stolen her bike by cutting the roof off. Absolute lunatics. The door was locked and alarmed, so the only way in was through the roof. She wasn't insured either so it's not good at all. Then I phoned the police and reported it and got offered counselling because my household has been the victim of crime twice in the last six months. So that was my eventful evening last night.

And I have no idea what's going on at work at the moment: they've changed my shifts, didn't remember they'd changed them and phoned me at home today to say I should be at work, I went into work yesterday and got sent home because the phones have all broken down, which in turn means I might have to go to work in Newcastle tomorrow. So I have had a bit of an odd week.

In book news, I am reading The Corrections. It is 100 different shades of ace and I can't stop reading it.

In Our Time

Posted Date: Wednesday, February 28, 2007 - 5:27 PM
Usually, on In Our Time, all the academics are really smooth and seem to be able to explain themselves very easily at Melvyn's gentle prompting.  Today, I am listening to In Our Time and there's a girl who gets all tongue-tied talking about Renaissance telescopes and optics.  She's representing all of us who have the ideas and know our subjects, but don't have the same capacity to express ourselves when we talk.  Whenever anyone asks me about my research they just get a string of erms and likes and kind ofs and yeahs.  The part I personally identify with is when she goes, "X was this guy....erm this lawyer".  It's really annoying, though, because all the other people sound more competent but she does actually know what she's talking about! Listen again!

NPower have evidently been targeting their marketing a little too closely

Posted Date: Tuesday, February 27, 2007 - 11:18 PM
Look at the leaflet they sent me!  I can't really imagine the marketing logic behind this one but, quite frankly, I am loving it.

This is just like our living room (including the piles of books without adequate shelf space) but for one important difference: they still have their TV remotes and didn't manage to lose them after a party three months ago and never find them again.

I still feel ill and have made some nauseating birdies...

Posted Date: Monday, February 26, 2007 - 9:10 AM
I am coughing like a maniac now, and worshipping the twin idols of menthol and ibuprofen.  To cheer myself up I crocheted some birds, hoping they would turn out looking evil, and I'm disappointed because they are very very cute.  In my head I keep calling them Sid and Nancy.



Today I'm writing an abstract for the paper I want to give at the contemporary women's writing conference at Warwick in the summer (Ali Smith is going!) and Julia Kristeva was on Woman's Hour this morning - I wish they'd asked her what she thought about Britney's baldness.  Also, this morning I saw a sparrowhawk in our garden again.

I've caught a cold

Posted Date: Saturday, February 24, 2007 - 4:26 AM
I think I caught a virus at the swimming pool last week.  I had a really sore throat at work yesterday and now I've spent the day in bed dosed up on ibuprofen and throat sweets, eating a crapload of fruit, steaming my sinuses, and watching illegal episodes of futurama on the internet.  And I can't leave the house to get phone credit, so I can't text anyone to sort out my upcoming social engagements.  Goshdarnit, why can't everyone just use facebook?

I read Susanna Moore's In the Cut today, which I enjoyed a lot.  It's quite like Siri Hustvedt but I think it's better-written and didn't only get published because she's sleeping with Paul Auster.  It's not actually that erotic, though; there's a hilarious cover quote from Joyce Carol Oates that says it's "Powerful, shameless, like Story of O."  I'm not really sure in what sense that's meant to be true (because it's actually not like
Story of O in any way: it's a detective plot so the actual story is fairly important; it's essentially realist with a really strong sense of place; there's only about five pages of sex in the whole novel), but I enjoyed all the puns and wordplay and it also has (and this is whited because it gives away the final plot twist) a dead narrator!  What more could I ask for?  Apparently there was a film made of it but it was crap (I can imagine it not really working as an erotic serial killer thriller flick or a profound meditation on intimacy and language either).

Today I was the Durham student you imagine...

Posted Date: Wednesday, February 21, 2007 - 3:58 AM
Today I had to go to the Cathedral Library to get a theology book out of Archbishop Sharp's Library (we'll leave aside for a moment the fact that the reason I needed it was a direct result of my previous poor bibliographic practice, and that I actually got so excited by the library I left with the wrong book and have to return tomorrow).

So I went to the library...and it's really really cool!

You go in through the cathedral and try and look scholarly so you don't get evils off the lady to put £4 in the box, then go through the cloister and watch out for baby bats who might have fallen off their perches.  This is also a good point at which to pretend you are Harry Potter because it's where the courtyard scenes are filmed (if you want to shout wingardium leviosa it's best to nip round the south side of the cloister where there are no tourists).

Here is the cloister:



Then you go through a mysterious weighted door (I think it was closed because they're replacing the roof or some such nonsense)...



There are two rooms but the old refectory room is closed (because of the roof) so I turned right into the reception/ card catalogue area.  Below is the Actual Genuine nice lady who helped me out because I was blinded by library panic and could see no doors out of the room...



See all that stuff to the left of her?  That was the door.  I just went in and babbled Latin at her (I actually did; I think I was hysterical by this stage) and she essentially picked me up and shoved me into the library...

Hurrah!  Library!



This is the monks' dormitory from back in (circa) olden times.  Predictably, the book I needed (or actually didn't need because I've now realised it's the wrong book) was on the highest shelf so I had to get the ladder.  Then the lady who checked my book out seemed aghast when she found I was a research student because I'd been acting like a complete library fool.  But I get to keep my book forever pretty much, and according to the stamp card on it I have to pay 1d. if it's overdue.  I went to see Pat afterwards and she asked me if I felt like I'd done some proper research now I've climbed a ladder for it.  And I said yes, yes I do.

Actual, genuine 100% of fact AHRC panel quote...

Actual, genuine 100% of fact AHRC panel quote...
Posted Date: Tuesday, February 20, 2007 - 11:29 PM
"Panellists noted that there were a number of interesting applications linking literature and theology."

Haha.  Hahahahaha.  Ha.
I think I'm still suffering the after-effects of library hysteria.

I really want to get a fringe...

Posted Date: Saturday, February 17, 2007 - 11:54 PM
I am 90% convinced to get a fringe.  Here is the evidence for:


So yeah, should I go into the hairdresser's and tell them "cut my barnet like Kate/ Marianne/ Joanna/ Isobel/ Jenny/ Nico (or any of the above as long as I don't also get Joanna's freaky pointy ears)"?  Or should I be concerned with upkeep?  Bear in mind that I have been to the hairdresser's approx. one time in the last six years and that was a total  disaster that cost me half a week's rent.  Or should I cut it myself as usual and risk the return of my (Matt says it was weird; I still maintain it was a brilliant piece of avant-garde hairdressing) supershort mini-fringe?

Misty colon the tale of a sheepdog puppy...

Posted Date: Thursday, February 15, 2007 - 7:33 AM
lacked kittens.  But I appreciated its lack of freaky babe-like mouth movements.  I also liked Jake the dog who eats mud and the naughty ducks who ate all the cake.  And when Fern called her parrotface.  And when Sir Gregory coughed and I had to fast forward it so I wouldn't cry because I know that trick from La Boheme and it never bodes well if a main character delicately coughs at a crucial moment.  Because people can be terribly sniffy about Puccini when he's really almost as good as a bunch of farm animals and Brian Blessed.

http://sheepdogvideo.co.uk/

You notice how I have nothing to say, yes?

Peasant Shoes/ Diamond Dust Shoes

Posted Date: Saturday, February 10, 2007 - 1:14 AM
The Pirate Shoes are dead!



Long live the Pirate Shoes!

 

I just found my teaching file and had my teaching assessment (unfortunately, not in that order)

Posted Date: Tuesday, February 06, 2007 - 7:14 PM
Ok, a week ago me and Ali annoyed everyone in the Arts and Humanities postgrad workroom by messing around with his poster and making up business cards for the department to buy for us.  In a massive karmic payback I left my teaching folder in the workroom.  I did not realise this until just now when I found it after spending the last two days turning my house inside out, having to teach today (on my assessment class) with no notes, and crying over the department photocopier because I'd lost my idiot's guide to the English department reprographics equipment.   Luckily, arts postgraduates are an honest bunch and my file was still there on the desk where I must have left it a week ago!

My search for the missing file was aided by Anna's unexpectedly useful photography: I knew that last week I went to knitting club, and my file should have been in my bag.  Doing a Blade Runner-esque close-up on this picture from knitting club shows that my bag is empty except for its usual detritus of pens, tampons, renegade seeds, and scrap wool:



I like to think this picture shows when Jo was telling us about how she used to go camping on a live firing range when she was a brownie because Singapore didn't have any woods or handy fields for the purpose (she is the one knitting the white baby blanket of doom).  I am reading a Rowan pattern book and scoffing at the instruction "cast on 290 stitches" for a shawl.

Today I got invited to an Anne Summers party, found my lost teaching notebook and file, and taught my class for my assessment.  Woo.  Just have to finish my article now and I will have had an officially good week so far.

I hate my computer

Posted Date: Thursday, February 01, 2007 - 6:27 AM
This morning I got up at 6am to get four hours writing in before I went to work.  Somehow, because I was so tired probably, I managed to not save the stuff to disk that I'd been working on as a file downloaded from my email, but it only saved to some temporary file when I clicked save.  So yes, I've just lost four hours work on my journal article.  Which I'll be doing now then.  Before I have to work a full day tomorrow.  I want to cry at my stupid computer: why didn't it prompt me to save it to a file that wouldn't disappear?

You wish I'd cooked your tea...

Posted Date: Monday, January 29, 2007 - 7:55 AM
I made soup, bread rolls and weird vegetarian sausage roll things which weren't very successful. I had a pastry disaster as well and had to throw the first load away because it kept cracking; I got flour all over me and only realised when I got to the Darwin lecture this evening, and then I scalded my hand with the soup when I was dishing it up for everyone at home! But my rolls look super here...


I made a selection of knot rolls and some ones with seeds on them. Top tip: egg helps the seeds stay stuck and also makes them tasty and shiney!



Kaoru brought her wedding photos round as well, and her wedding was really beautiful: she had this massive train on her dress and she looked so pretty. Some of her husband's family wore kimono but she said in Tokyo most people get married with Western-style clothes and cakes and stuff. One thing brides do is to have a weight bear made which is exactly the same weight as they were when they were born, and then give it to their parents on the day of the wedding. Kaoru's weight bear had a letter of gratitude to her parents with it too. When we tried to think of things people do in Britain at weddings none of them were nice like that: it's all about stag nights and wrecking cars. Or chimney sweeps (junior chimney sweeps are available on Saturdays only).

Mad swans doily

Posted Date: Sunday, January 28, 2007 - 6:25 PM
Should I make this?  It's absolutely crazy but I kind of like it, just for the complete impracticality and ugliness.  I have such a weakness for utterly ridiculous things, especially in crochet, but I genuinely think that's because 90% of crochet patterns are hideous; knitting patterns really can't compete with the weirdness.


Ben Folds :D

Posted Date: Thursday, January 25, 2007 - 2:58 PM

Last week we went to see Ben Folds.  I freaked out because there was a power cut at the station (and at Matt's house so we had to get ready in the dark: that was pretty funny) so we had to get the bus and were worried we wouldn't get home.  So we got there quite late and missed Clem Snide, but we have seen him before so weren't too fussed. Ben Folds is such a dude!  He had a small red piano ("for a thousand bucks...you can have one too") and a reed blowy keyboard thing as well as his normal piano.

The best parts were when he played Grace and they did the full band version of Underground ("hand me my nose ring!"), but the number one top song was the cover of the Postal Service's Such Great Heights.  It was really cool because he played all the electro parts on his small red piano, but did like a nod to the Iron and Wine acoustic cover from (worst-film-of-all-time) Garden State as well.  That's one of my favourite songs because I am a sentimental fool.  We also pretended to be a horn section and Dr Dre.

This is the Guardian review of the gig: http://music.guardian.co.uk/live/story/0,,1999085,00.html

At Matt's we played tennis lots and I learned to do a topspin with my new racquet, as well as sampling the exclusive delights of Potters Bar tennis club.  We also learned to do some scary new steps for the salsa dancing and I practised with my new magic shoes that are meant to make me graceful.  Apparently, dancing will improve my footwork for tennis.

In other news, my supervisor says I should submit my most recent chapter for publication!  This is the website of the journal that's my first choice:

http://www.ohiostatepress.org/Journals/Narrative/narrmain.htm

I'm a bit afraid because it means kind of entering into debate with Jonathan Culler who I am quite in awe of, and potentially embarrassing myself a lot.  Incidentally (and should this add to my concerns?) his wife is the half sister of Chevy Chase!

I'm also about 20 rows away from finishing my cable jumper from this pattern, but I still have to do all the seaming so it could be months before it's actually completed and wearable.

Things I like about work

Posted Date: Thursday, January 11, 2007 - 5:11 PM

-reading the guardian online (even the boring articles)

-watching the trains going over the viaduct

-drinking brontewater from the brontewater machine

-being knowledgeable about the benefits system

-walking to work by the river and seeing confused ducks because the river has burst its banks again

-going to the weigh-house and economy greengrocers on my lunch

-going to waitrose's bargain-twilight-zone after work

-getting into a strange dissociative fugue state after working a ten hour shift

-abusing hideous racist callers after they've put the phone down

Oh look an invitation to my book launch!

Posted Date: Wednesday, January 10, 2007 - 9:02 AM


I kind of wish I could go to this: it would probably rank among the most surreal experiences of my life.

Alice's Adventures with Dye and a Microwave

Posted Date: Friday, January 05, 2007 - 4:59 PM
Ok so I got home the other night and decided to dye stuff.  I had some hand-spun left over from my fetchings and wanted to dye that, and decided I'd had white gloves long enough for them to get dyed over all the accumulated crap. 

This is what I used:
food colouring (yellow, red, blue)
white distilled vinegar (Heinz brand from Kwik Save: 39p)
rubber gloves
a flat-bottomed microwavable dish
shampoo and conditioner
clingfilm
microwave
measuring jug

So here's what I did...

1. Wound the ball into a loop round the back of a chair and tied it in four places with leftover wool to keep the strands together...



2. Put it in a bowl and soaked it in enough hot tap water to cover and a couple of glugs of white vinegar for half an hour.  Then dried it off and squeezed out the excess moisture and arranged it in a microwavable dish with a flat bottom so it doesn't overlap itself...



3. Mixed two loads (I did green and blue) of about 4fl.oz. of hot tap water, a quarter of a bottle of food colouring and 2fl.oz. of white vinegar...



4. Rubber gloves are vital at this stage to avoid stainy stainy fingers...



5. Then added extra hot water to cover when I freaked out because the wool wasn't covered.  Covered the bowl with clingfilm and made holes in it so the steam could get out...



6. Microwave time!  Bunged it in on high for two minutes at a time so I could keep an eye on it.  It took 6 minutes before the magic occurred...



7. All the colour sucked itself up into the wool!  And the water was pretty much clear.  So then I took it out of the bowl and gave it a gentle rinse under warm water in the sink (NOT cold because it'll shock it and NOT agitating or scrubbing it: both of those result in felting) until it was cooler...



Note. My sink is not actually filthy: I'd managed to stain it with red food colouring a minute before and had neglected to spray bleach it.

8. Gave it a little wash in shampoo and conditioner to get the vinegar smell out, and then waited for it to dry...




Here are my fetchings after I dyed them (not as happy with this colour):



Woo!  Successful dying session completed.

Weird thesis-related findings...

Posted Date: Monday, January 01, 2007 - 7:52 AM
Ok, I've been doing a bit of research for my next chapter which is going to be something to do with postmodernism, double views, mapping, architecture and the connection between HOTELS, death and the afterlife (there's evidence for this in the texts I'm using: Hotel World, The White Hotel, History of the world in 10 1/2 chapters etc etc etc).  So I type hotel lit* into MLA bibliography and the first two citations it comes up with are Lemony Snicket 12 and The Eyre Affair!  More than these, though, the references are particularly apt: the Finis Hotel and the Hotel Denoument!  There's definitely something in this hotels = temporary nature of existence malarky, and the evidence is on my ironic bookshelf.

2006 in pictures

Posted Date: Sunday, December 31, 2006 - 8:36 AM


1.What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Ate some fishes.
Taught undergraduate English.
Went on the world's most upside-down rollercoaster.
Wrote a lot of thesis.
Gave a paper.
Learned to knit.
Hosted two parties.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made any.  This year I'd like to maybe procrastinate less, but that's thoroughly unlikely.  Maybe improve my day-to-day vocabulary beyond grunting, creative swearing and saying "excellent!"?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Scotland.  I need holidays!

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
Matty not so far away.  A kitty.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Ummm no dates really.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Teaching my first class, giving my first paper, my 37000 words, the evil supermassive black doily.

9. What was your biggest failure?
No funding :(

10. Were you seriously ill during 2005?
No, not ill at all really.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A coat with a hood on it and boots that are about 60% waterproof.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My mum and dad's for helping me (hopefully) get my PhD (in lots of different ways).

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Mr Tony Blair's, Melanie Philips' (although I kind of love to hate her), John Humphreys' frankly pathetic and ignorant performance on Art School and continuing shoddy arts items on Today.  Four minutes where you wheel in Andrew Mogadon to talk about the Booker every year while you sneer at everything produced since 1950 does not constitute arts coverage.  And breathe.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, food, books, the bloated coffers of GNER.  The most expensive thing I bought was probably my bridesmaid dress for Bethan's wedding (which I'm hoping I'll be writing about as my memorable date for 2007).

15. What did you get excited about?
My thesis :)  

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Probably something by the Fratellis, or On the Radio by Regina Spektor, or Never Be Lonely by the Feeling, or My Humps by the Black Eye Peas!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? About the same I think.  But that is quite a happy same.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner.  Marginally.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer, thanks to being a phone monkey.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
More time with Matty :(

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Listening to random crap on the radio and knitting when I should have been doing something useful.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
What next year?  At home hopefully.

21. How many one night stands?
Hahahaha none!

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Yes, a little bit more all the time :)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Um, not really.  I don't know if I really hate anyone.

24. What was your favorite TV programme?
University Challenge!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Regina Spektor.  Four Tet, despite having seen them live and writing them off three years ago.  Also, that going to see Radiohead three times in a year is only just worth the hassle.

26. What was the best book you read?
Ooh good question!  Well probably the best objectively was Gravity's Rainbow, but I also really enjoyed Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, all the Lemony Snickets I've read, lots of random David Foster Wallace stuff and the books I've been teaching, especially Bleak House.  Ali Smith and Orhan Pamuk were my exciting discoveries of 2006.

27. Are you happy with your lot?
Yes.

28. What did you want and get?
Different coloured knitting needles, box of Snickets, a cake stand, a tea pot, raspberries, friends, love, a tolerable job, my preferred teaching module, a nice house, inspiration, knitting superpowers, lots of great support from my supervisor.

29. What did you want and NOT get?
Funding, a holiday.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
I liked Napoleon Dynamite a lot, and I also liked The Squid and the Whale.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On my actual birthday I went to a tutoring meeting and attacked the buffet, but for the celebrations I went to the National Gallery, ate a fish, went to Covent Garden comedy club and had a trip to Thorpe Park.  I was twenty four.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A freezer.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Garish/ octogenarian/ homemade/ primark.

34. What kept you sane?
Walking eveywhere.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
No one really.  I've become a big Russell Brand fan, and I still have a shameful crush on Andrew Marr.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I haven't been very stirred this year.  Probably climate change, or Israel/ Palestine/ Lebanon, or Iraq.  I've bitched most about climate change, prostitution and American abortion laws.  Also, I remember getting riled up a few times about Peter Vardy and teaching creationism in schools.

37. Who did you miss?
Matt.

38. Who were the best new people you met?
Knitting club!  The Voicentric massive.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Hobbies are important.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
This is how it works:
You look inside yourself,
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took,
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into someone else's heart,
Pumping someone else's blood.
And walking arm in arm
You hope it won't get hard
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again.

McSweeney's List

Posted Date: Thursday, December 28, 2006 - 6:23 PM

Character From a Thomas Pynchon Novel or Someone Who Recently Sent Me Spam?

BY MATT BARNHART

- - - -

1. Grandmother M. Mather
2. Esteban Stout
3. Ronald Cherrycoke
4. Underachieves H. Khwarizmi
5. Patience Eggslap
6. Richard M. Zhlubb
7. Myrtle Tapia
8. Mnemosyne Gloobe
9. Igor Blobadjian
10. Lloyd Nipple

 

 

Pynchon characters: 3, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10
Spammers: 1, 2, 4, 7

Films and Fat-ism

Posted Date: Sunday, December 17, 2006 - 9:49 AM

I watched Everything is Illuminated on DVD and I can't decide if I liked it or not.  The guy from Gogol Bordello who played Alex was really great, and portrayed him way better than Elijah Wood as Jonathan.  One of the things I liked in the book was the way JSF portrayed his own character as a clumsy fool making horrible assumptions and being obnoxious to people.  And the really emotional scenes at the end with Augustine gave me a hideous flashback to the end of The Return of the King where they're all laughing around Frodo's bed: ugh.  It was interesting to see how this came out of the earlier version of the novel without the Trachimbrod narrative which is kind of a rip-off of 100 Years of Solitude, but it worked well and it was good.  So yeah, I think I give the film maybe 6/10 (and one of those is solely because of Sammy Davis Jr Jr's amazing contribution as the Officious Seeing Eye Bitch)?

I did this today and here are my results (complete with commentary):

Your data suggest a slight automatic preference for White British compared to Asian British. (scary revelation of unconscious racism - not cool)

Your data suggest a slight automatic preference for Gay People compared to Straight People. (this test made all the positive words sound really camp in my head "Joy!" "Marvelous!" "Glorious!" "Superb!"  Also there was a hilarious badly-photoshopped picture of two grooms at a wedding that looked like George Bush marrying Pinocchio.

Your data suggest a slight automatic preference for the United Kingdom compared to the United States. (whenever I saw Tony Blair's picture I kept pressing the button to send poison on his side of the test too, so that must have skewed it a bit anyway)

Your data suggest a moderate association of Male with Science and Female with Liberal Arts compared to Female with Science and Male with Liberal Arts. (I always tried to categorise philosophy and music as sciences.  Also Latin)

Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for Thin People compared to Fat People. (I was actually most surprised and also concerned by this.  I did moan yesterday about obese people ambling slowly round the supermarket (as I was hypocritically buying about a kilo of cheese, wine, biscuits, chocolate, mincemeat and a yule log), but now I'm really worried that it's the symptom of some great underlying prejudice.  I'm more worried about this than the racist answer, because I've been friends with people from different cultural and racial backgrounds, but I've never had any close friends who had weight problems.  I wondered if it might be that I associate being overweight with being unhappy, so that's why it has negative connotations (so the words in the test like "despair" "tragic" "sad" rather than "evil" "horrific" etc) but is that prejudiced too?  It's probably quite bad to assume that people must have some sort of compulsive eating problem when they might just be fine with how their body is.  Oh curse you Harvard Implicit Association Test!  I do not need to be in a ferment of self-doubt about my feelings towards fat people when I ate half a brie at my wine and cheese party last night!)

A photo essay on our bowling marathon...

Posted Date: Tuesday, December 12, 2006 - 9:34 AM
The day began with our choice of bowling attire and bowling transport.  Matt selected a cool bowling shirt, while I considered the problem of attempting a marathon bowling session in a skirt and plumped for corduroys.  Wise choices all round.  Bowling transport was a more complex affair entirely; suffice it to say that we spent a long time on the train to the Metrocentre.

Arriving at the bowling venue at around 11am we realised that there had really been no need to rush for weekday bowling: our only competition for lanes for our all-day bowlorama were an over-sixties team, some of whom had chosen the mobility buggy as their bowling marathon transport of choice.  They did, however, bring their own bowling shoes.

On to technique.  I surprised myself by making two safes and a strike in the first game, and was hoping to build on this early success.  However, I kept tangling the ball up in my legs, exposing a schoolboy error in my footwork which had been concealed by my enthusiastic opening to the match.

The key to technique is clearly in the action after the ball has been bowled.  Please observe:



I watch, rooted to the spot and scratching my head in befuddlement, as the ball utterly fails to roll in a straight line, or to hit any of the remaining pins.

In marked contrast is Matt's technique:




Matt attempts what is essentially a full-body visualisation process, taking on the qualities of the ball as it rolls down the alley.



He goes on to mimic the fragility of the pin, willing it to fall via the medium of neo-Buddhist meditation exercises.  Also hopping
.

Other features: I liked the bowling alley's frankly quite half-arsed attempts at Christmas cheer.  They had some random bits of tinsel on things, but far-and-away my favourite decoration was a picture of a bowling ball disguised as a Christmas pudding.  I think we should be proud that our cultural heritage has reached its zenith in the production of a bowling ball festively photoshopped to have cream and a jaunty sprig of holly on top.

Bowling marathon aftermath and injuries:  Well, I think I've got bowler's finger and pulled my right arm a bit, but my primary injury was a nasty case of buttock strain caused by an over-enthusiastic follow-through on my swing.  Only my left buttock, though, so all's well.  After our bowling marathon we went and watched Casino Royale and ate some sweets
.  Happy Days.

Also I just remembered: I saw a shooting star last night!

Posted Date: Tuesday, December 12, 2006 - 1:05 AM
It was kind of green and big and it had a tail and was not really moving that fast.  I just looked it up and it might have been a meteor from the Geminid shower that's meant to be peaking later this week: very exciting!  I've never seen one before but if I stay up and work tonight I might pop out around midnight and see if I can see another one.

Wow: I was just reading that the Geminid meteors are unusual because they come from an asteroid rather than a comet, and that's why they move so slowly.  The asteroid (3200 Phaethon) has an orbit that passes within 2 million miles of the Earth's, so it's classed as a potentially hazardous asteroid.

Ooh Thom Yorke singing 'Videotape'

Posted Date: Tuesday, December 12, 2006 - 12:22 AM
(it starts off with the White Stripes and Meg's crummy drummying)

Posted By:From The Basement

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

MYSPACE NEEDS A GOOD KICKING (BY ME)

Posted Date: Sunday, December 10, 2006 - 7:14 PM
I HATE YOU MYSPACE. i JUST SPENT HALF AN HOUR WRITING A WITTY ENTRY MOCKING THE RIDICULOUS CALLS FOR PAPERS ABOUT BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER I KEEP RECEIVING, ALSO CONTAINING THE WORDS "FUNKATIVE" AND "MEMBRANOUS TOPOLOGY" AND YOU LOST IT ALL. NOW I HAVE TO GET ON WITH MY WORK WITHOUT ANY HILARIOUS COMMENTARY ON MY DAY TO SHOW FOR IT. I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED.

AS SOME MEASURE OF COMPENSATION TO MYSELF I AM RECORDING A PICTURE OF A KITTEN IN A JUMPER:



TO REITERATE: I HATE YOU MYSPACE.

I have a new ambition

Posted Date: Thursday, December 07, 2006 - 11:06 PM

I want to be on the judging panel for the International IMPAC Dublin literary award.  It is way cool.  Also, do the judges get paid more expenses because the prize is the biggest?  Do literary prize judges get paid at all?  At Edinburgh their PhD students help judge the James Tait Black Memorial Prize: I'd like to do that!  Maybe when I die I can fund an Alice memorial prize and get people to judge it for me.

In addition to this, I've just found the address to send my Beat the Brains questions to for Brain of Britain. YAY YAY YAY!  I'm so excited about this: I'm totally writing out my questions and sending them tonight!  Round of Radio 4 applause here I come!

IE7 is crap

Posted Date: Wednesday, November 29, 2006 - 12:22 AM

Internet explorer 7 has pooed my computer right up the pooer.  I am currently using the AOL browser, which might actually be worse than no internet at all.  Hello firefox, please save the day.

Plus I got told off twice at work today: once for eating a rice cake at my desk (because I didn't work long enough to get a lunch break, but my shift finished at three) and once for texting someone while I was waiting for calls.  Apparently my work was on Watchdog last night and I had to go in today at short notice in case we got loads of calls.  I've only been there a week and already brought the whole system tumbling down round my ear holes.

Creationists, Muriel Spark plagiarism, Elgar.

Posted Date: Monday, November 27, 2006 - 12:26 AM

I was reading in the Guardian today about schools using packs about intelligent design in science classes.  The part which annoys me the most is the way it looks like it's put together by scientists who know their shizzle, until it turns out their quote-master is (yes) a scientist, but (oh) a Professor of Thermodynamics.  Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but he knows approximately as much as me about biology and evolutionary theory then, yes?  But mostly, how ironic is it to be (claiming to be) arguing for a model of science in which everything is contestable and provisional, then call your organisation Truth in Science (unless of course that's actually a cover for your real agenda, which is a very narrow and frankly screwed up concept of "science" in which empirical evidence gets totally obfuscated by your pre-conceived ideas.  But call me paranoid)?

I went to a quite cool panel discussion about death and the afterlife last week, chaired by the Dean of the cathedral (I think).  It was interesting because it was so thoroughly random: they had a guy from the Durham spiritualists there, a Buddhist, a Muslim, someone from the Humanist society, the chaplain of Hatfield, a really interesting human geographer who's writing about death, and a guy from the philosophy department.  The human geography guy was doing really interesting research, and I wish I'd had a chance to chat to him properly, but I think I might drop him an email at some point or see if he'd speak at our discussion group.  What connects these things was the humanist man arguing that we should welcome death as part of life because it allows for adaptation and evolution, which I thought was quite a cool idea.

The Muriel Spark plagiarism is a new film with Emma Thompson in that apparently uses the same conceit as The Comforters of a person overhearing being written as a character in a book.  It's not really plagiarism, as it happens in other books (I'm thinking Flann O'Brien and I'm pretty sure there are others).

And finally, I've been listening to a bit of Elgar today.  I think I'm addicted to the cello concerto.  Apparently he really liked puns and anagrams.  I don't know why that's relevant but it's cool to know.

VVVVVVVstill reading smarty anus (love im really)VVVVVVVV

My writing style is male...

Posted Date: Sunday, November 26, 2006 - 12:32 AM

Guess what?  I put in some portions of text from my thesis to be analysed by the Gender Genie and it turns out my writing style is mostly male.  I did it three times and it came out overwhelmingly male every time.  I'd be interested to see if my blog entries came out male, but they're too short to evaluate properly so I don't think they'd be very accurate though.  The algorithm is meant to be 80% accurate, and it's funny because I do think I'm usually a good judge of whether text is written by a man or a woman (obviously non-fiction is easier than fiction) and I was definitely expecting that my academic writing would come out as more masculine.

In other news I have another job now (yay) and I had a week of horribleness last week which involved me being really really busy teaching and working all week and frantically fitting in thesis work in two-hour gaps around everything else.  And then Sarah's car had a touch of the vapours on the way to Eleanor's and we nearly didn't make it to Turin Brakes.  But it all turned out fine and her dad came and rescued us, so we got to the gig just in time.

Knitting: my new hat and belt

Posted Date: Thursday, November 16, 2006 - 11:58 PM

I've been doing a bit of purple knitting.

I have a purple hat with a baby cable...

And a purple belt with a really cool cross-over stitch pattern that I knitted with my pink birthday needles...

 

Edit: I really do have a freakishly shaped head, don't I?

Tennis toe

Posted Date: Wednesday, November 15, 2006 - 8:27 AM

This weekend I got one bridesmaid dress and one sore foot.  I've decided to stay at home today to rest my tennis injury and apply for some more part-time jobs.  It's the joint on my right foot that always hurts when my feet get cold, and I've been walking about four miles a day every day this week, which I don't think has really helped matters.  I'm so worried I'm going to get arthritis in that joint when I'm old and I'll be hobbling about before I'm sixty.  My foot hurts!  And I'm having so much trouble planning my classes for next week!

This book (below) is recommended by both Andrew Marr and Sarah.  It reminds me of W.G. Sebald a bit, but there's less of a logic to the connections and more ironic self-awareness.  It's different from what I usually read and I'm finding it a bit diffficult because I feel like there's not really anything to drive me back to it: there's no desire to know anything or reveal anything.  It's almost totally atemporal, a kind of prose poetry that I'm finding challenging in (hopefully) a good way.  I have questions about it, though, like why is it a narrative?  Why not just a series of recollections, or even a stream of consciousness?  What's gained out of this being stories rather than observations?  Is there some connection between narrative and landscape, maybe?  What am I getting out of this that I couldn't get from poetry?  Is it something to do with movement and travel rather than observation?  So yeah, I'm not totally won over, but I'm questioning - it's both process and finished object I think, maybe like "findings" half-verb, half-noun?

Thesis joy (it's not actually that rare, I just don't ever write about it)

Posted Date: Tuesday, November 07, 2006 - 3:30 AM

I just unwittingly (actually most of what I do lacks wit) stumbled upon a debate about omniscient narration and authorial death and/or divinity in the most recent issue of Narrative - yay it makes so much difference when I think what I'm doing is useful and exciting!  Cease and desist with your clothes-making, Alice; there are theses to be constructed instead!

I think there may well be too many exclamation marks in this post.  Also semi-colons.

OH WOW I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THE TELL US WHAT YOU'RE READING FEATURE!  ALSO CAPSLOCK!

Rage: broken boiler

Posted Date: Monday, November 06, 2006 - 8:47 AM

Rage rage rage: our heating and hot water is broken.  RAGE!  I had a freezing cold shower this morning and wore tracky bums and two pairs of socks in bed.  RAGE!  Boiler-breakdown coincidentally occurred immediately after the repair bloke had been round to bleed our radiators RAGE!  I cannot work under these conditions!  Fortunately I have just finished my jazzy new hat, so at least I have a warm head.

Russell Brand

Posted Date: Saturday, November 04, 2006 - 10:31 PM
I can't believe Russell Brand is moving from BBC6.  Now I'm going to have to either sacrifice one of my pre-programmed stations, or retune to Radio 2 every Saturday night.  Actually, I just realised that means he clashes with George Galloway on TalkSport on a Saturday.  Oh you cruel fates!  I wish I lived in London so I could get Xfm anyway.  BBC6 is so snobby and faddy now: it was way better before they got a playlist, because now they just pump out whatever sub-Libertines crap is pooping out this week 200 times a day.  I love Russell, though: he's the only comic I've ever heard make stupid jokes about cultural theory (Lacan last week, Derrida this week), and for that he wins a thousand times over.

WOO went to Barter Books and I finished my chapter!

Posted Date: Saturday, November 04, 2006 - 6:51 AM

At 4am today, but nevertheless finished!

I got up at six on Friday and worked until nine, then I went with Sarah and her very lovely friend Katie to Alnwick for a post-birthday day.

We went to Barter Books and I took my massive load of books to sell (and when I got home I realised I'd forgotten some more).  They gave me £30 credit for them, which was top.  I bought these books: John Kennedy Toole A Confederacy of Dunces, John Banville The Sea, Saul Bellow Herzog, a weird Marks and Spencers compendium of detective stories from Lord Peter Wimsy to Philip Marlowe, and Andrzej Zaniewski Rat.  I got a bit disappointed because I'd kind of gone with a list in my head of things I wanted (Jonathan Franzen The Corrections, George Perec W and some authors I'd have got anything of: Orhan Pamuk, Christine Brooke-Rose, B.S. Johnson) and they didn't have any of it.  The selection was very odd, though - they had about six copies of D.M. Thomas' The White Hotel (which I forgot I didn't actually own, so that was a bit of an error) but no Thomas Pynchon at all.

It is a really great bookshop despite the unrealistic expectations I'd had.  I loved their cases of first editions and old pop-up books, as well as their frankly weird stock: book on the markings farmers use on sheep, anyone?  A book listing a load of people's dreams about the Queen?  Porn in a plastic cover about Rod Damon - "The Coxeman" -  taking on the women of red China?

I also got a postcard of the super mural which I love very much.

We also went and briefly looked at the treehouse in Alnwick Gardens but it's expensive and we were cold so we went and had some rambling beach fun and chips instead.  It was a lovely day in pretty countryside with great people.

But reading A Confederacy of Dunces is terrible because a) I am addicted to it b) I want a hugely obese friend I can dress up as Darlene and Ignatius (a la these geniuses) with (although I'd rather wear a leotard and go as Myrna) c) it is too, too quotable ("my valve!") d) I'm so afraid I'm going to turn into Ignatius!

edited to add that I've just had the blissful realisation that what 'Darlene' has on her shoulder in the photo is the cockatoo! "I hadda take him to the vet's this morning to get a vitamin shot.  I don't want that poor bird coughing all over my furniture."

ok bibliographic query

Posted Date: Monday, October 30, 2006 - 12:06 AM

When one is quoting from Love It! magazine, it is surely correct bibliographic form to italicise the title (therefore, Love It!) and single-quote the article headlines (eg. ' Four Tasty Recipes with Chicken Nuggets', 'Wee Willy Wonky' or 'I tried to hack off my JJ breasts'), yes?

Secondly, should I update my 'interests' section accordingly?

Thirdly, should I tell Sarah that Love It! is owned by Rupert Murdoch, and that he is slowly taking over all my procrastination tools?  If I started boycotting him I'd finish my PhD by Christmas, probably.  But I would lose Dierdre's Photo Casebook (should that be single-quote-marked or italicised, given that it's the title of a series of articles?) and the Sun's online 'Sexy Sudoku'.

Knitting

Posted Date: Thursday, October 26, 2006 - 1:46 AM

I just got an email from someone via knitting soc, asking us if we wanted to do piecework hand-knitting items for their ethically-produced, organic, woolen clothing range.  It seemed like a really cool idea, but they pay £30 per garment (which I'm assuming to be jumpers): could anyone knit quickly enough to be earning minimum wage on that?  Assuming that they can't (and if they can and this company is just hugely over-estimating our skills level, then this is just a general ranty point) I really feel like it undermines people's skills to pay them less than minimum wage just because something is craft.  By that logic, because I sew my own clothes for fun it's ok for some child in the developing world to get paid sub-living wage to do it for me.  Or because women look after children for free they shouldn't get paid decent wages to do it professionally.  Or maybe it's a gender thing: men pursuing a stereotypically male hobby professionally (let's take football as our eg.) get paid approx. a gazillon pounds.

On a separate point, they also pay the same per piece for machine-knitting as hand knitting, which is bizarre.  It's a shame because I'd love to get paid for knitting, but I also don't really have the faith in my own capacity not to totally screw it all up and ruin their pretty wool.

The cut-out-and-keep guide to Alice's thesis

Posted Date: Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 1:58 AM

Title: Now and at the Hour of our Death: The Afterlife in Twentieth-Century Fiction

Chapter 1: No title as yet...hilariously punny suggestions always welcome

This intro has two arguments: firstly, I'm discussing Alice Notley's The Descent of Alette and Close to me & Closer...the Language of Heaven, and how she argues narrative can't represent the afterlife; secondly, I'm looking at the distinction between anthropocentric and theocentric ideas about heaven (ie. ones which are quite specific and often sentimental, and ones which are quite vague and kind of minimalist) and seeing how this actually means narrative vs.poetry because a time element means things have to happen there.

Chapter 2: Dead Endings: Making Meaning from the Afterlife

This is expanded from my triumphant first paper at our superfun day of mini-conference last year.  It's about reading and the afterlife, and whether you can only understand a book if you project yourself to a kind of afterlife position at the end of it.  This is kind of theory-heavy but basically my argument is that the "anticipation of retrospection" you use to read with relies on a kind of suspended time after it, like eternity, where you can put all the temporally-located bits of the plot together.  Then I cunningly attach this anticipation of retrospection idea to the idea of memento mori, making it an odd kind of process which forces you to remember the future.  Then I look at Muriel Spark's Memento Mori and Italo Calvino's Mr Palomar as a closing of the hermeneutic circle back to how this narrative-being-read-like-the-afterlife is like living-in-anticipation-of-death.

Chapter 2b: Hopelessly floating half a chapter about Sartre's Nausea and Pincher Martin by William Golding, which seems to have no chance of intergrating into this section.  There might be some hope of doing like a 7000 word segue-chapter from reading/living/narrating connections but I need to have a think - I'll never spin it out to a full chapter really.

Chapter 3: Aftereffects: Narrative Restrospection

In this chapter I'm talking about Muriel Spark's (again - there's more to come as well) The Driver's Seat, Ali Smith's Hotel World and Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow.  This is about tense and narration and retrospection and cause and effect.  I'm comparing the strange temporality of the memento mori with the idea of predestination which is a figure for distorted cause-and-effect in GR.  All this while refusing any gratuitous play with the preterite tense and preterition.  Oh yeah, and here's where I reference Desperate Housewives.

Chapter 4: Transparent Hearts and Ghostwords: Omniscience and the Afterlife

This is about Muriel Spark's The Comforters,William Faulkner's As I Lay Dying and David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest.  The transparent hearts are from St Augustine ("the hearts of all will be transparent, manifest, luminous in the perfection of love") which was just too similar to Dorrit Cohn's Transparent Minds to pass up.  This is also about telepathy and nineteenth-century spiritualism from Derrida via Nichola Royle, which brings me to writing about The Lovely Bones as an inheritor of the Victorian posthumous novel.

Chapter 5: okay this is where it starts to get sketchy...

this is going to be a bit of a theoretical one again about postmodernism and the idea of post- in general.  I'm writing a paper for a conference about Derrida's Archive Fever which might also contribute to this bit.  But yeah, sketchy.  Jeremy Tambling's Becoming Posthumous is part of the basis for this whole area.

Chapter 6: New Maps of Hell (title ripped off from Kingsley Amis' book about sci fi)

I'm going to write some things about space and architecture and mapping (from Jameson) and how you can see more than one space at once: whether this is like eternity and omniscience and afterlife retrospection and maps and postmodern experience in general.  This links to the earlier chapter where I talked about spatial form model for reading.  Mainly because Will Self does books with maps in.  And Alasdair Gray goes here too.

Chapter 8: Dead Bored (sorry)

This is a chapter about repetition in narrative from Genette on iterative narrative in Proust.  I'm going to write about boredom and repetition in Sartre and Beckett and using this strategy for representing infinity.  This is also where I'll talk about Flann O'Brien.

Chapter 9: Time Reversals

This is talking about narrative representing eternity via time reversing, repetition implied by playback and linking back to my cause-and-effect chapter before.  Martin Amis's Time's Arrow and Slaughterhouse 5 here as well.

Chapter 10: I'd like to write something about American apocalypse vs European posthumousness - Baudrillard saying something about how everything has already happened in America, apocalypse past.  This would be cool because it wouldn't be anticipation of the end, but retrospection only.

FIN!

edit: have found lots of horrendous spelling errors, but I'm starting to hate this evil document (it's telling me I'm not doing enough thesis work!) so I refuse to look at it until January: do not judge me on my sketchy thesis plan!

My future fame and fortune

Posted Date: Tuesday, October 24, 2006 - 1:50 AM

Ok well the fame takes the form of the man who has written a book about "me" asking me to feature in the publicity for it.  Apparently OUP thought it would be a good idea for us to get together and have photos etc and they might go in some kind of news source.  I find that so funny!  Man bites dog=news.

The fortune is not really that good, as the job interview I went for last week has offered me a job, but I won't be allowed to start till mid-November, because I was their second (or maybe third or fourth I don't know) choice so I haven't got the job I originally applied for.  But on the plus side it'll let me find out if I get the googling job or not.

 

This is for you Matty - warning, imminent punnage ahead...

Posted Date: Saturday, October 14, 2006 - 6:55 AM

P.S. Sorry, I couldn't get a good picture of a foyer!

Happy John Peel Day and Birthday for my Mummy :)

Posted Date: Thursday, October 12, 2006 - 5:48 AM

I want to go and see the Holloways in Welwyn Garden City on October 27th.  Luckily I happen to be in the vicinity of Welwyn Garden City on precisely that date.  What is this bizarre vogue for naming your band after where you come from?  First the Paddingtons, now the Holloways (although Holloway, and particularly N19, is the coolest place in London, clearly).  East17 tried it and it never did them any good.  Actually I knew people in a band who named themselves after where they lived.  They were called Lopen.  See, it just doesn't work when you're from a crappy village in Somerset, does it?

I went to knitting club yesterday afternoon.  It was really fun.  I can't wait to see everyone else developing their skills and knitting really cool projects as the year goes on.  I did loads on my jumper, and it was really good to have people to talk to while I worked on acres of boring stocking stitch.  I'm doing the ribbing on the bottom now, but I'm a little concerned I'm going to have to have pink sleeves because I'm consuming wool rapidly!

And here's a secret: I'm actually enjoying reading Jane Eyre.  This should surely have happened ten years ago!  It's nice to keep coming across words which I don't know; usually that only happens with David Foster Wallace.

My personal tutees

Posted Date: Friday, October 06, 2006 - 7:22 PM

Gosh I've just spent three hours writing emails to my personal tutees.  It actually made it all worth it when one of them replied!

We were talking the other day about deleting our myspaces, facebooks etc in case our students and tutor groups read them.  I think really they'd be quite disappointed if they were interested enough in my life to internet-stalk me here.  Honestly kids, most of my posts are about food and knitting - I'm actually a little disappointed in myself that there's nothing so salacious in my life that I'd mind if my family and my students read about it!  However, I do think I don't write about my thesis enough, and I am going to remedy that soon in a what-to-answer-when-people-ask-you-what-Alice-is-doing-for-her-PhD cut-out-and-keep guide.

Also, I changed my profile song to pretty much accurately reflect my experience of Freshers' Week for the sixth time around.  Nineteen?  You don't need a boyfriend!

YEAH! Interview

Posted Date: Thursday, October 05, 2006 - 4:57 AM
I have an interview for the coolest job ever.  It is here.  I really really want this job - it will be so perfect for me to indulge my nerdiness to its absolute peak.  Because even Aldi have refused to give me an interview up til now, and I think this fits my unique skills of google fu and general geek knowledge.  Plus, all work can be undertaken in one's pyjamas; much like a PhD.

Adventure: London and Thorpe Park and Tennis

Posted Date: Monday, October 02, 2006 - 7:20 PM

I had my birthday weekend in London, and Matty and I had an excellent time doing lots of fun things!

On Friday Matt organised all the day and kept it a secret from me.  We went to Fopp and bought MORE books and then walked down to Trafalgar Square and argued about how many missing body parts Nelson had.  Then we went to the National Gallery and to the Manet to Picasso exhibition, which was a kind of crazy combination of really really good paintings.  Then we had some dinner and ate some halibuts and went to the Covent Garden Comedy Club and saw lots of funny people including Milton Jones off Radio4.

And on the way home we walked up Tottenham Court Road and saw Pete from Big Brother!  And he was on a rickshaw and he stopped at the cashpoint and said wankers!

On Saturday we went to Thorpe Park on the train and went on the scary rides.  We went on Colossus first, and Matt got a bit scared and his lips went all white. 

This is the before of the Tidal Wave, which was my favourite.  You can see Stealth behind it (which was too scary and we didn't go on it!).

And this is the after where you get a massive splash!

This is us after we got totally soaked twice over on the Tidal Wave and on a log flume too!

Matt liked the Detonator where you go up a big tower and you get dropped of the top.  The view was very nice from the top, actually!

The scariest one was the Nemesis Inferno (which is like the Nemesis at Alton Towers and you have your legs hanging down) and we only got on it by promising ourselves that we'd go home afterwards!

On Sunday we went and played tennis at Matt's work.  It was really fun and I learned how to do a serve and use both my hands on a backhand and how to do a good shot where you tip your racket over and smack it really hard over the top of it.

I like weekends!

Franz Ferdinand Tasty Cakes for Princess Maskie

Posted Date: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 - 4:49 PM

Ok, Belle and Sebastian are organising a charity album for Save the Children called Colours Are Brighter.  On it is an inspired song by Franz Ferdinand about TASTY CAKES!  The song is here at the myspace page for the album.  It also has other cool ones - I like the Four Tet song about the ninja dinosaur!

This is the official site, which has cool pictures and a tasty cakes GAME!

Illness today

Posted Date: Tuesday, September 26, 2006 - 12:38 AM

I was so ill today!  I couldn't even drink water without being sick for five hours last night and it was crap.  However.  I had got the DVDs of Before Sunrise and Before Sunset out of the library on a whim the other day and I watched them back-to-back today to try and stay awake so I wouldn't screw up my body clock.

I very much recommend these films!  I liked the first one in a kind of embarassing oh-gosh-this-is-exactly-how-you-talk-and-get-excited-when-you're-a-bit-clever-and-you-suddenly-meet-someone-you-like-and-who-is-interested-in-what-you-say way.  The characters said stupid things, but they were exactly the stupid things they would really say (like when they were talking about how the world was messed up in really vague angry ways).  And then the second film is even better!  I love how they talk like real people and they have like an idea that they really want to express, but they start and then have to turn it into a joke because they're ashamed of being pretentious.  And Celine had a really cute cat.

But I liked the ending too, because it was so much more layered and complex than the other one.  Jesse says the original story is just optimists think they meet up again, pessimists think they don't, but the ending of Before Sunset is different.  I'd like to think that having met Celine again he was kind of renewed in his commitment to his wife and his son, seeing how unhappy she was when all her exes left her for other people, and that she gets to be self-sufficient and happy on her own.  Because I don't think believing that there's only one person you could ever be happy with in the whole world is very optimistic: that means most people are right messed up.  I'd love it if they could make a third one, though, when they're nearly fifty, without it being totally contrived and horrible.  I'll be Before Sunset-age by the time they do!

Books: Bleak House

Posted Date: Sunday, September 24, 2006 - 5:42 PM

Ok I finished Bleak House last night and that was probably the fastest 1000 pages I've ever read in my life!  I think I've had a Dickens revelation, because I really really did enjoy it.  It made me laugh out loud a lot, and it was just a really nice, easy, different and fun thing to read compared to what I usually read.  I've watched the BBC DVDs that Eleanor got me for my birthday too and thought the adaptation was ace.  If anything, though, it was actually more sentimental than the book (which is saying something).  And also, Esther's voice was exactly right, but her face was all wrong.  And the acting capacity of Gillian Anderson's nostrils was pretty much unsurpassed.  How can one person express everything essential about her through her nose?  But the miracle is that she DOES!

In other TV adaptation news, I watched Jane Eyre last night.  I don't enjoy that a lot.  And Mr Rochester was so much like Richard E. Grant.  It was dull.  I think I've seen four adaptations of it, and read the book about three times, which is a lot for a book I've never even enjoyed.  Have to teach it this year, though, so I'll have to reread it soon.

BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Posted Date: Wednesday, September 20, 2006 - 1:41 AM

Thank you for all my cards and presents and comments and texts and general birthday wishes today!  I haven't got any work done cos people keep contacting me!  I feel so loved and nice :)

Witness me on my birthday, in front of my non-ironic bookshelf!

Books: Gravity's Rainbow

Posted Date: Sunday, September 17, 2006 - 10:26 PM

Is Gravity's Rainbow the best book in the history of the world ever?  Uh, yes nearly a-and it's the hep newly finished book in my preterite life. [insert song and kazoo solo here].  Ficht nicht mit der Raketemensch!

I was also particularly cunning, and noted down pages and images that I really liked specifically so that I could look them up in Zak Smith's page-by-page illustrations of Gravity's Rainbow which was, I think, probably an unusual way to read.

This is Zak Smith's illustration project page:

http://themodernword.com/pynchon/zak_smith/title.htm

Apparently someone wrote to Pynchon and asked him if she could write an opera based on Gravity's Rainbow and he said certainly, as long as it was entirely written for banjo!  How ace would that have been?

The only thing I didn't like was the superfluity of midgets.  I've been having nightmares about midgets (including a tiny little Andrew Marr who looked a bit like an orang-utan) and I blame you Mr Pynchon.

Also, it made me sad enough to update the wikepedia page on the Brocken spectre and literary allusions to it.

Knitting: fingerless gloves

Posted Date: Thursday, September 14, 2006 - 3:58 PM

These are my fingerless gloves that I knitted for winter with my lovely handspun wool (it had bits of grass in! it smelled like sheep, not like chemicals!).  I like this shot because a) it makes it look sunny outside, when in fact we had torrents of rain yesterday and b) it makes it look like I have a lovely manicure, when in fact I have lizard-trowel-chubbystump hands. 

This is a work-in-progress shot which shows two of the new techniques I learned: it's the first time I've knitted using double-pointed needles, and I've never used that thing with the scrap wool holding stitches for the thumbhole before (that's the random bit of ugly blue acrylic).  I've done cabling before, but only to try it out and not in a proper pattern.

At the top of this one you can see the other exciting new technique I learned, which is the picot bind off.  However, this shot does also show my crappy picking up stitches round the thumb which has resulted in a hole.  It also doesn't show where I turned one of the cables the wrong way on the second glove and didn't realise.  Doh!

I'm worried they'll get really dirty, though, but I love the wool-colour, so I was wondering about just wearing them till they were filthy and then dying them.  Also, they're lovely and soft because I washed them with Tresemme (shampoo and conditioner)!

 

 

 

woo I have teaching next year!

Posted Date: Wednesday, September 06, 2006 - 5:45 PM

Although I don't know what module.

And I had to cancel/ delay my birthday trip for the training day.

And I don't know how many classes I'll have.

And I still can't find another job.

But woo.

Knitting: a quarter of a fair isle

Posted Date: Monday, September 04, 2006 - 12:02 AM

I've been knitting lots this weekend to combat my work issues.  Or not combat, totally avoid and to delude myself that there's no problem.  I have written 25,000 words this year, though.  So it's not a real crisis: I'm just getting stressed out because of my unsuccessful (or successful, but inappropriate and/or unethical) job-hunting, and organising time with Matt.  It's really difficult when we plan everything out properly and in advance, but then everyone else doesn't work to the same time scale.  Also, I had an interview for a tutoring position in one of the colleges which I was really uncomfortable with, and felt like I really disagreed with the way they were going about things.

Anyway, I've done about a quarter of a top-down fair isle raglan, which is fun.  I just need to do about five more rows to give me a bit more ease across the chest and then I can separate off the sleeves.  I'm a bit concerned the colours make me look like a Christmas tree!  Ah well, it's not like I have any pride.  It's funny how I'd never buy this, but I really like it just because I've made it myself.

Ought to have brushed my hair before I took the photo really! I'm making up the pattern myself too, so I'm very proud.  I need to buy some longer circs if I plan on making another one of these, because it's SO annoying to have to shift it all onto scrap wool whenever I want to check the size - and this is only going to get worse as I attempt to shape the body.

Adventures:free food

Posted Date: Friday, August 25, 2006 - 4:08 PM

Free food!  If there's one thing I like more than free food it's free food which is plums.  I think all universities should plant lots of fruit trees and then all the poor grad students who are here labouring away over the summer could have a fruit fest.  Actually, it would be dead good if we could get a temporary accommodation allotment scheme and you could join the allotment co-op and get produce from the existing allotment each year while working it for the next person.  Only all I'd want to eat is spinach and blueberries.

So yes, here's the plums I harvested (for 'harvested' read 'stole' if you have morals) from a tree behind Hild-Bede:

There were more, but I ate them on the way home because they kept falling out my pockets.  Woo yay houpla plums!

Adventures: Edinburgh/ Radiohead

Posted Date: Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - 5:02 AM

This week Matty and I went to Edinburgh and had lots of fun -  we walked miles and ate loads of food and saw lots of cool things.  

We went to a Christmas shop which was endorsed by Cliff Richard, an Italian fish and chip shop which had served battered easter eggs to Prince Edward, and saw many good punning shop names (a bagpipe shop called blow me!) We also got molested by billions of flyer-ers for fringe shows we couldn't go to (and didn't really have the zany people tolerance for).  It would've been cool if we'd had a chance to go and see some comedy but we hardly had time to stop our whistles.  It's only £12 return from Durham so I'll definitely be going back (this is the difference Virgin trains could make to my life - oh woe).

We stayed with Matt's friend Niko and his lovely fiance Jenny and they showed us some of the sights of the city.  We went to the castle, but spat on their extortionate pricing policy, and settled for bumming round the Old Town for a while.

It's probably the worst place in the world to go at this moment of wool-buying moratorium, but I enjoyed lots of other things which were tangentially wool-related. 

Like wool for making tartans:

And a cool spinny thing...

Then, towards late afternoon, we rocked up to the Meadowbank Stadium in time for most of Beck's set.  He seemed like a funny guy, even if he is a scientologist.  The sound quality on his set was kind of rubbish, but I enjoyed his puppet show.  This is puppet Beck wearing a kilt in the video:

Then we watched Radiohead.  They were good, but the crowd was full of total idiots, especially further forward, and the version of True Love Waits they did wasn't very inspiring, which was a bit disappointing.  Although I did really like the "girly song" Nude.  That's changed so much since we heard it live for the first time in Dublin 2002!  But all for the good.  And I've finally worked out what the humming part at the end sounds like - it's Prince's The Most Beautiful Girl in the World.  I definitely thought this was intentional.

Today we went and checked out the Scottish parliament building, which is really stunning, and I was disgusted that they didn't have my favourite Alasdair Gray quote on it ("Work as if you live in the early days of a better nation" actually, it might be my second-favourite, after "Superb is my nickname for her, being short for superbitch") along with all these other quotations from Scottish writers on Scotland and politics.  However.  We returned later, only to find that my midget size had prevented me seeing this lovely stone above my eye level:

Only you may notice that the morons have spelled his name wrong!

We climbed up the crags and looked across the whole city; it's a really beautiful place.  This is the view of Meadowbank Stadium from very close to the bottom of the climb, and you can still see all the staging still in place:

So yes, we had a really nice time and enjoyed Edinburgh a lot.  And here we are looking like funny people...

Adventures (vicarious): Jen went to Namibia

Posted Date: Thursday, August 17, 2006 - 7:11 PM

Well, the actual adventure was Jen coming round to my house for tea and me making focaccia with sun-dried tomatoes in it.  I also made roasted peppers and lentils, but the focaccia was ace, so here's a picture of it in progress (complete with my hipster tea-towels from habitat and my lovely ceramic hob):

Namibia sounded awesome, and I was very jealous!  There were loads of crazy animals, like ostriches and dung beetles, and her photos were beautiful.  I really want to go to Africa one day.

We had a massive thunderstorm this morning too, while I was dyeing my hair in the shower: it's still raining now, but the lightning made me think I'd shorted out the lightbulb!

Yesterday I did a whole day's writing and then actually had guilt-free time off in the evening and knitted a swatch for a cool jumper I'm thinking about:

I graphed it painstakingly in MSPaint, and I'm definitely not going to do it in these colours - if there's any yellow involved it will be more mustard than eggyolk.  I can't decide whether to make it like a raglan-sleeved one with repeats of this cowboy all over the body sections, but with plain sleeves, or to flip this design and have it on my right hip with a massive lassoo going up and catching round a heart at the top left.  Then I could call the design yee-heart! 

Whinging: AHRC failure and doom

Posted Date: Sunday, August 13, 2006 - 2:06 AM

I'm whinging today and raging at myself and the AHRC because I haven't been given a grant. Damn you evil research council: yes, I got free food thanks to you at our training day, but no, I did not get any money to live on this year.

These are the reasons you are wrong and everything about you is wrong and full of bad things:

1) You shouldn't tell me how close/far I am from getting granted, especially when you move the sodding barriers every year anyway.

2) You should consider giving less money: I've been living off a significant portion of my master's grant from two years ago for the first year of my PhD anyway - does this not suggest you might be being a little generous? Surely it would be fairer to give 50% of applicants a survivable Ã?6000 rather than giving 25% of applicants the holiday-in-Barbados, cristal&bling sum of Ã?12000 (or Ã?14000 with London weighting)?

3) Is there any way you could avoid combining crushing intellectual rejection with financial doom? Just for fun, though? Like a Brucie bonus for some of the worst and most laughable research proposals you've received this round? I'd happily apply.

4) Also, I realise that what I do is more fun than what a school teacher does, and it's not as tough by any means, but I do have to teach too, and I am preparing for a teaching career, ultimately, so why not extend at least some of the benefits PGCE students have to PhDs? I'm not asking for a teaching bursary or a golden hello or to get my transport costs paid or for my student loan to be paid off. It would just be really cool if I could get another student loan. You know, so I could eat and stuff.

5) And I'm lucky I can get my amazing parents to continue to help me out more than I should ever ask them, but it shouldn't be like that. Why should I only be able to research something fascinating and important because my parents and my boyfriend are offering to pay for me to indulge myself? Why should I have to feel like I'm dabbling when I am actually doing something useful? And why should only solidly middle-class people like me and all my friends be the only ones with even the option of continuing to play this game?

You are fools. That is all

And now I'm going to show a picture of all my wool I got super-cheap on ebay so all my winter clothes are going to be orange. Ha! Take that AHRC!

Adventure: York

Posted Date: Friday, August 11, 2006 - 7:00 PM>

We went to York last week. We went to the Jorvik Viking Centre, to the university (it is basically floating and has a lot of wildfowl), on a boat, to the Minster and to the Shambles. We also went to the railway museum and went in a carriage from GWR which did the Exeter to London routes in the nineteenth century, when my great-grandpa was a guard and my great-great-grandpa was a train driver.

This is a picture of my family on a boat...

This is a picture of formerly mad alice lane...

And this is a photo of my balloon in the shape of a chicken: chickie balloon (and also Eleanor licking her) ...

Then we came back to Durham and walked across every bridge in the city. I found out Gilesgate actually used to have a station, and then we ate in Che Vita's which is on the old Gilesgate Station platform. We went to Crook Hall which is really pretty, and they have an interesting exhibition on at the moment which is art inspired by Peter Greenaway's The Draughtsman's Contract.

I'm so lucky to live in such a beautiful place...

And we went to the Baltic's Sam Taylor-Wood exhibition which was Top. I really liked the restaurant video with the hands and the face of the two different people. And the cello video.